September 14, 2006
Quietly Knitting
My mother's health has begun to deteriorate. While we all knew this would be coming, she did turn 90 last spring, it has been upsetting seeing this independent, vibrant woman become so unsure of herself. (As I looked for the entry about her birthday I saw the title - strangely prophetic.) For the last three weeks we have been able to have one of us with her constantly. She sleeps most of the time so I spend most of my time knitting and listening to my iPod - and thinking way too much. She has regained enough strength that she can get up from a chair and walk to the bathroom by herself, but that doesn't keep us from pacing outside the door waiting for her to call for assistance!
My mother's wishes are to remain in her home with no heroic measures taken. The doctors and my mother have told us that hovering over her is not going to keep something from happening. So we are making sure that measures are taken to allow her to get around safely. We'll make sure that someone is there for all of her meals so that she eats well and gets her medications. Then, starting next week we will start to give her some time alone. This is what she wants and we know it, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Posted by Charleen at September 14, 2006 05:33 PMBest wishes through this difficult time, and goddess bless you for letting your mother choose her own path.
Posted by: Catherine D. at September 14, 2006 06:17 PMI am saddened by this and for you and your family. Know that I think of you both daily.
Posted by: Marie at September 14, 2006 06:48 PMOh Charleen, my heart goes out to you and your family. Hang in there.
Posted by: Leigh at September 14, 2006 07:41 PMSending warm thoughts and hugs from downunder. This is such hard shit, but you are doing it so much better than many people manage.
Posted by: M-H at September 14, 2006 07:48 PMI wish you peace and strength during this most difficult time.
Posted by: Sue b at September 14, 2006 08:02 PMmy heart goes out to you. It sounds like she has compassionate doctors and loving children.
Posted by: Valerie at September 14, 2006 09:09 PMHugs and warm thoughts. Keep your knitting close and remember to take care of yourself and your siblings as well as your mother.
Posted by: Rosemary at September 14, 2006 11:01 PMYours is such an amazing family. Loving your mom enough to give her the space she needs, rather than demanding your own way and time, speaks volumes of your unselfish character. I can't imagine a greater gift for her or legacy to pass down to younger generations. Blessings of peace, strength, and love to you and yours.
Posted by: Angi at September 15, 2006 12:32 AMPraying that you will not be in want for anything as you and your family walk through the valley of shadows, but rather that you will find comfort and peace.
Posted by: Cheryl at September 15, 2006 05:51 AMWe are starting to go through that with my MIL, who is 88, and failing. You are giving her the best present imaginable. Best to you and your family.
Posted by: Carolyn at September 15, 2006 06:34 AMI echo Angi's comment. What a great gift you are sharing with your mother and your siblings. I'll be holding you and yours in my thoughts.
Posted by: Cathy at September 15, 2006 10:53 AMYou are giving her the best gift that you can by letting her have as much dignity and freedom as possible for as long as possible and respecting her wishes. I just lost my Dad last week and I know how hard it is to see them fail so sending my prayers and hugs to you.
Posted by: Kathy at September 15, 2006 10:57 AMOh Charlene, I am so sorry. It is a hard time, I know. Knitting does help you, I wish we all knew what would help your Mom.
Posted by: Sara at September 15, 2006 11:03 AMDear Charleen, We are beginning to see a similar situation here, though with a slightly different twist -- a healthy body and an increasingly bewildered mind. You have my sympathies and best wishes.
Posted by: Rob at September 15, 2006 12:26 PMOh Charleen... I am so sorry to hear this. We always want the ones we love to be strong and live "at least 10 more years."
Posted by: June at September 15, 2006 06:13 PMThis must be a very hard time for you and your family...even when it's something expected. Sounds like a very cherished love. Peace be with you. Thank you so very much for the comment you let on my blog...I wanted to email you personally, but can't seem to find one. thanks you from the bottom of my heart!!
Posted by: PJ at September 16, 2006 05:15 PMIt's so great that your family is in harmony about how to work through this. Keep knitting! I treasure the scarves I knit during my grandmother's last days.
Posted by: wendy at September 16, 2006 07:07 PMIt is so hard to watch a loved one start to fail. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Posted by: Kim at September 17, 2006 09:49 PMA very big hug from here, during this trying time.
Posted by: alfred at September 18, 2006 07:10 PMSaying goodbye is never easy. My mom is declining, too, and did not know me this morning. I admire your mother for her wishes and her strength. To face the inevitable with quiet dignity is my own goal. Be at peace knowing you are showing your love by being suportive of what she wants.
Posted by: claudia k at September 19, 2006 11:52 AMDo you have a visiting hospice nurse?
Time alone is a really important part of the process, but perhaps you can reach a compromise. Does she have an alarm system or some way of paging you? Can you insist on having someone there at night?
I've spent portions of my life waiting/preparing for the end, and the friends who provided companionship without needing conversation were lovely. You might ask your mom what the elements are that she needs to build her sense of inner peace. She might just want you in the next room instead of watching her, she might want to check with you every few hours instead of having you check on her, and this might all change next week.
Best of luck helping her with the transition.
Posted by: Sylvia at September 19, 2006 12:59 PMi can't even imagine how hard that must be. or what i imagine is i'm sure not as hard as it really is. hang in there!
Posted by: carolyn at September 19, 2006 01:21 PMI can identify with what you are going through and I wish you peace during this difficult time. My mom is almost 90 and has dementia, she's been going downhill for the past 5 years, slowly the woman I knew all my life has been slipping away. Very tragic and sad. I am glad for you that your mom has been able to stay at home, that is truly a blessing.
Huggs, G
Posted by: Geraldine at October 2, 2006 01:59 PM